Helping siblings with emergencies and hospital stays
Siblings of children with complex health needs may experience situations such as their brother or sister having seizures, losing consciousness, having difficulty breathing or choking on food. When a child who has a medical condition has an operation or an overnight in hospital, this can be really hard for siblings, especially if this happens regularly. Siblings cope better if you have a plan for dealing with the situation.
Support siblings with medical emergencies
- If you are able to stay calm and take practical action, this will help a sibling feel less anxious about what is happening.
- Make a plan of action so that siblings know what they are expected to do when this is happening.
- If a sibling feels scared about helping in any way or is worried that they are going to do the wrong thing, then it is better that they are not expected to help. If anything goes wrong siblings should not have to feel responsible.
- Give siblings accurate information about the medical situation and about what you will do to help their brother or sister. If it is a regular event like a seizure, take time to look at books about it with the sibling. Explain why it happens and reassure the sibling that it is not going to happen to them (assuming that is the case). Keep them updated on a regular basis, in particular if there are any changes.
- When the situation is under control again ask siblings how they are and if they want to talk about the event. Get back into ordinary family routines as soon as possible to help sibling feel secure.
Support siblings with hospital stays
Siblings miss their parent and their brother or sister when they are away. They may worry if their brother or sister is going to be OK. Siblings may be concerned about who is going to look after them when a parent is away. And it can be difficult for siblings when everyone is making a fuss of their brother or sister.
Prepare siblings before a hospital stay
During the hospital stay
The most significant factor in sibling adjustment to hospital stays is the length of time away from the parent and brother or sister. Of all the things to do the most important is that a sibling gets to see you lots during this time. If the hospital is near make sure he/she sees you every day and if further away make the gaps as short as possible. The long term benefits will outweigh the inconvenience and expense. Things that will help are:
- Being able to leave the ward to do something with a sibling – sports day or a trip to the shops for a treat – ask other people to sit with your sick child
- Ask a sibling to write or draw things to bring to you when he/she visits – ask someone else to keep a diary of all he/she has been doing so that you can talk about these everyday things together. Siblings need to feel that these normal things are still important to you.
- Ask him/her to make a card for her brother/sister
- Give the sibling something from his/her brother or sister – a card or tiny gift – so that the giving goes both ways
- Being able to play with any toys that your sick child has access to
- Letting the sibling do helpful things for your sick child – like wipe his mouth or comb his hair(if the sibling would like to do this)
- If your sick child has to be in seclusion to prevent infection see the sibling can speak to him/her on the phone. Keep contact between the children going.
- Maintain usual limits – normal bedtimes, good eating, behaviour standards as before – if you are lax about these the child can feel that you don’t care enough about him/her to impose rules
- Having someone else to listen to the sibling and give him/her attention while you are away
- Role model getting help and support for yourself. Take time to look after yourself – if the sibling knows that you are coping and feeling OK about things – he/she will too. Talk through your concerns with friends/professionals, so that you have an outlet for your own worries.