Your sibling child’s experiences
Most siblings have warm and positive relationships with their brothers and sisters who are disabled or have additional needs. Many teach their brothers and sisters new skills, enjoy playing together, and celebrate their achievements. Most siblings also have times when their experiences are more difficult and when they feel angry, sad, or jealous about their brother or sister. Some siblings have a very hard time coping with the effect of their brother or sister's disability on their family, school, and social life. Siblings' feeling and experiences may change as they get older and if their brother or sister's needs change.
Positive feelings and experience for young siblings
Having fun with their brother or sister
‘I love to hug and tickle my brother, it makes me laugh.’
Feeling caring, protective, and proud
‘I constantly feel proud of my brother. He never lets his disability get in his way; he is an inspiration to me.’
Developing tolerance for others
‘Her deafness has shown me how to accept other people’s disabilities.’
Being in touch with other siblings
‘It’s always nice to know you’re not alone, and if you know there is someone to talk to on here (especially if you speak to them often) then it relieves you of some of the things you struggle with.’
Having opportunities for learning new skills
‘My knowledge of first aid is very good for my age. This is due to the fact that I must know what steps to take if my sister does collapse or has any allergy reactions or seizures.’
Difficult feelings and experiences for young siblings
Not understanding the disability or condition
‘My brother keeps doing the same stuff all the time. He has to wear the same clothes every day, I don’t know why.’
Feeling embarrassed
‘Sometimes I get quite embarrassed when my friends come to our house and Andrew poos his nappy. They don’t know why he has to wear nappies and they think at his age he should go to the toilet.’
Worrying about their brother’s or sister’s health
‘I just worry. I am thinking, he might be so poorly, he might die.’
Feeling angry, sad, resentful or guilty
‘Sometimes I feel sad when my brother is away, like when he was taken to hospital’
Feeling that their parents don’t give them enough attention
‘Mum and dad are so unfair. My disabled brother gets way more attention than me’
Concern about what will happen in the future
‘In the future, I wonder about what’s going to happen to her. Is she going to get a job? I know that I can. I don’t know if she would be able to. I don’t know if she’ll ever get one. Or if she’ll ever get married and have kids.’
Not being able to do things together as a family
‘It’s hard to ever get anything done as we have to plan everything around her. It’s hard to go on holiday and stuff like that.’
Siblings at different life stages
These are some of the things that may be happening for siblings at different ages as they grow up with a brother or sister who is disabled or has additional needs. By being aware that these may happen you can take action to help your sibling child cope with these.
Pre-school siblings
Primary school age siblings 5-11
- Other children asking questions about their brother or sister’s disability or condition
- Talking to friends and others about their brother or sister
- Dealing with teasing and embarrassment
- Being involved in caring for their brother or sister
- Needing information about their brother’s or sister’s disability or condition
- Not having enough time together as a family.
- Wanting their brother or sister to have his or her own friends
Secondary school age siblings 12-16
- Not being able to have friends home for sleepovers
- Concern about introducing new friends to their brother or sister
- Feeling embarrassed about going out as a family
- Feeling ashamed of feelings of embarrassment or resentment
- Supporting parents with their emotions
- Worrying about their brother or sister making transitions, for example, to secondary school
Older teenage and young adult siblings